did you get engaged???
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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