do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
