I heard we made out
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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