Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
