This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
