Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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