life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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