If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
