theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
