I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
