i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
