I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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