he was CRYING into my vagina
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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