I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize