His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
