She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
