we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
