I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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