He had one of those small greek statue penises
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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