Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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