I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
