and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize