We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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