youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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