Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
