Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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