I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
