The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
