Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
