We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
