ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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