What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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