So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
