I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
