I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
