i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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