like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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