You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
