Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
