I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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