the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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