Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
