well I can't set my house on fire every night
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
