i already hear my dad disowning me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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