She is in my trunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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