i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
