I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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