there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
