if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
