i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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