since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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