Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
