1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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