u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize