I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
