you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
