Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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