I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
