Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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