just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
