Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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